I knew this kid back in junior high who kept to himself all the time. We all thought he was a little strange, maybe just sniffing too much glue on the weekends or something. We ignored him, but maybe we shouldn’t have. It turns out the truth was much, much more sinister.

Come to find out he would play Dungeons and Dragons. What is Dungeons and Dragons, or D&D as the cult like to call it? Well, I would just explain it as crack for geeks. It took this otherwise nice kid and turned him into a devil worshiping, dice totin’ maniac.

Before we knew it he was mumbling things under his breath during class. Once, during algebra the teacher asked about the Pythagorean theorem and he responded ten die six. I knew it was an evil incantation. I got a glimpse of his Trapper Keeper, and it was filled with complex formulas and notes about zombies and demons.

Everyday at lunch, he and his friends would gather in a corner somewhere and roll their dice. Whenever anyone came near they would give us annoyed looks and turn back to their sorcerous works. Needless to say I learned quickly to simply avoid them.

Later on I found out that D&D is essentially a forming school for wiccans, druids, and other horrible things. Not only that it is horribly addictive. Players can spend their entire salaries and all of their time dedicated to it.

My message to everyone today is: AVOID DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS AT ALL COSTS. Do not play this game. Do not let anyone you know play this game. It will ruin their lives. It will ruin any chance they have of happiness. It will turn them into horrible servants of unknown powers. It will make them crave salty snacks. D&D is evil!!!!!!!!

P.S. April Fools

(for those of you who don’t know, April 1^st in the United States (and other parts of the world) is a holiday where jokes are played, and this post is meant as a joke).

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